Saturday, May 30, 2009

- Dark Memory in Life - part 4

20th May 2009, 9.45pm
As I wrote this, I'm sitting right next to my mum...watching her sleep...no more back pain or muka kedut2 tahan sakit like yesterday...just she cannot eat or drink tonight...I bet she's hungry like hell cause she's fasting from 12am yesterday until now...uhuhu

FYI, patients who are going to undergo an operation need to fast as it will complicate things if you eat or drink anything...the water that you drank can enter the lungs while the operation begin...

Here are the stories that happen at 3am on 18th of May...

I was asleep at that time...Then my sleep was disturbed by the sound of my phone....Aisshhhh..kacau betul! I was just dreaming about something2 good and happy but I don't remember what it is...uhuk! my sister said that she will arrive soon...they are from KL...

She said "Bangun! Siap cepat...pastu kite g makan skali"

I was mamai la at that time...kind a lampi skejap and of course la I said "ha..ye2.." but then I continued to sleep...ahahaha pastu kena tengking when she got home...huh

After packing my things and some of my parents clothes, we immediately rushed to Kedah...It's just my sisters, my future brother in law and me inside the car...they take turns to drive the car but not me as I haven't had car license...motor ade la...slamat...uhuhu

We stop by at Ipoh to get something to eat...but we didn't see any restaurant open at that time...ye la...its only 5.30 in the morning...mamak?hmmm..layan je la..but I'm dissapointed cause one of my favourite food-tosei, elek! Sigh...hmm..roti telor pun roti telor la...

We continued our journey to Alor Setar...jauh wei...my sister kept saying that word...but for me, I didn't feel that long cause I'm in my own world...dreaming...hahaha

On my way to Kedah, I saw the beautifulness of sawah padi...I call it ' The Scenery of Greenery' ...what a wonderful view to be seen along the road...not only it can calms your mind but can refresh your eyes too...

OK..enough about the journey, lets hear about what had happened after the operation...

At first, my mum seems fine...but later, my mum got even weaker...maybe because of too much ubat bius that has given to her...besides, she didn't eat for the past 3 days...she cannot get up, sit, stand or even walk...she will get a really bad headache if she tried...then I will have to picit her head...pity her...not just that, after 3 days of operation, she still can't get up...she gets intense and feels a lot of pressure from the nurse and the doctor who keeps telling her to get up and pressure from the things that she shouldn't think about...as a result, her blood pressure goes up...It's so high that she said she can't see things in front of her anymore...It's like her sight getting blur...she scared and started to cry...seeing my mum cries makes me want to cry too...but I tried so hard not to cry in front of her...If I do, I just make things gets worse...right?

It's just my dad and me at Kedah...my siblings has already go back to KL...working...but after I saw my mum cried and begin to think yang bukan2 (you know what I mean, don't you?) I called my sister...I thought maybe it's a good idea if they are here too along with Haziq, my adopted little brother...maybe it can cheer her up again...besides, my mum always asking about Haziq, asked me to tell her story about Haziq...talks about Haziq again and again...she sure missed Haziq a lot...so, I said to my sister..

"why don't you guys bring Ajiq along to Kedah...mum missed him"

At first, they don't want to bring him because who are going to take care of him?Afraid that dia meragam pulak nanti kan...but for my mum's sake, they took him along in the end...

Hmm...just I assumed, her blood pressure go back to normal after she knew that Ajiq was on the way to Kedah...Sigh...I guess little kids can be a penawar for all of us...makes us happy...heee

Now, my mum can walk, pee as usual and I can see her smiling again...her conditions getting better and we just waiting for the doctor to say the word..."you can go home now..."

Oh, I forgot to tell you about the result of the operation right? its like this, suppose the operation about the removal of pembengkakan ovari thing but then, it turns out that not only the bengkak thing, also my mum pregnant luar rahim...almost 2 months...I can't believe it when I heard about it...pregnant? I could have a brother or sister?! I couldn't find a right word to expressed my feelings about it...its just..i don't know...I'm happy...but I think maybe its just not our rezeki to have a little baby in our family anymore...my mum can't get pregnant again cause the doctor has remove all set of rahim...no more child, just grandchild she can have...ehehehe

BTW, I have the pictures with me...the picture of the ovari and janin...but I think it would be best if I don't attach it here... afraid that my reader will throw up or trauma...uhuhuhu so, if anyone who would like to see it, ym me..alright?heee

28th May 2009, 10.36am

Perhaps this is my last day here at the hospital...already feels like my second home...ye la...today is the 11th day I stayed here...kind a used to it...huhu I eat, sleep, read newspaper, and watch movies (laptop) with my mum always besides me...feels like home...doesn't it?huhu

With all that had happened, it shows that how God loves us...he gave us challenges, problems, and dugaan so that we will always remember Him...always thought of Him...seeking for His forgiveness...His blessing...that is what we should do...not blaming the fate...I'm not trying to say that I'm a good person, but I'll try to be a good person...nope! a better person...hopefully...
suke? like la..

Monday, May 18, 2009

- Dark Memory in Life - part 3

Today, I'm all by myself at home..my parents went to Kuala Kangsar for the rehearsal regarding the PJK award...so, all day I've done nothing much...besides all the eating, sleeping,cooking and kemas-ing the house, I tried to solve the jigsaw puzzle that I bought yesterday...the picture is not that lovely but ok la...the quality??no need to mention...rm9.90 je pn..uhuhu its about 3 o' clock in the evening when I start unpacking the puzzle box...after finished separating the end part of the puzzle and try to put it in the right order, it strikes me when I looked at the watch..waa...da 2 jam ah??lamenye aku wat....that's just the bingkai die je...how long do you think for me to finish the 1000 pieces of it??not thousand la..after minus the bingkai, maybe bout 940 something left...ahahaha

Now, there is something else happen today...maybe that's why I kinda feel a little bit emotional today...feels like I wanna cry...scream out loud so that all my pain, all my anger towards something that I don't even know go out...to all of the gurls, I think you too have feel this way right?Suddenly your tears come out of nowhere without any reason at all...you just feels like crying...am I right?or did I just the only person who feels that way?hah...uhuhu

The something else happen that I said earlier is that I got call from my dad...he said that after the rehearsal, my mum cannot bare the pain anymore...so, they packed all their things and belongings and went straight to Kedah instead...I know that my mum is not so healthy cause yesterday my mums not feeling so well...she had a headache, back pain, angin and the bengkak ovari thing...I da urut die yesterday...and I thought everything ok when I saw shes getting a good night sleep..so lena...and this morning, she seems fine...don't expect things to turn out like this...so, I guess my mum will not go on stage to take the award...it is supposed to be a wonderful day you know...suddenly it changed just like that...this is what we call fate...

After I watch news at 8pm tv3, I call my dad to ask what had happened...he said that the doctors have already went home when they arrived at the hospital Kedah...therefore, only tomorrow we shall know...to be continued...
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Friday, May 15, 2009

- No Pocket Money?? -

Seems that there are changes in my plans for this semester break...x jadi keje!!aissshhhh...how can I get extra pocket money hah kalo x keje?Uuuu.....Its not that I'm lazy to work or I did not get any job, its just because of what had happened lately...the appointment at Kedah, the operations this coming weekend, the PJK award (if I'm not mistaken, its Jasa Kebaktian) my mum dapat and kena mengadap sultan Perak this Monday...congrats to my mum...heee

so, I just sit at home...eat sleep eat sleep...gaining extra pound...but not too much like my sis...muahahaha sorry sis....ekekkeke maybe after all da settle, I might be working...hopefully asap...if not, how can i buy all the things i want?cute clothes, shoes, bags...they have been waiting for me to buy them...they keep calling out my name....and say...buy me..buy me....ahahaha
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Wednesday, May 13, 2009

- Dark Memory in Life - part 2

The appointment regarding my mums condition is at 10am...We arrived at the Hospital Sultanah Ba..Bahiy..Biah ape tah about 9.37am...mak aih...giler ramai org...huhu Luckily my nephew's wife have friend at the hospital, so she helped us to make our turn to see the doctor a little bit faster...my dad followed my mum which left my brother, my nephew and me at the waiting seats...Thank god I had my laptop with me...so, x la boring kan..bley gak layan game... my bro plak pinjam my mp3...mesti bosan giler tu...ekekeke

After 2 hours of waiting, my dad came to us and said that he had good news for us which I'm very glad to hear...yay!!heheee he said that my mum do have cancer but its still at early stage...stage 2b...which means my mum doesn't need to go through chemotherapy or radiotherapy...operation would be just fine to remove the cancer cells...so, next appointment will be on 22nd of this month and the operation for ketumbuhan ovari and removal of cancer cells will be on 24th may- next weekend...I'm so relieved!!

so, wait ya for the 3rd part of the dark memory in life... hope everything's okay and went well...sunshine...come back to me....heeee
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- Dark Memory in Life - part 1

The moment I wrote this, I'm at my nephew's house at Kedah with my mum, dad and my brother... I'm not here on vacation but because I teman my mum... some specialist in cervix cancer wanted to see and examine her... hopefully every things alright and my mum free from cancer although the doctors at Ipoh had confirmed that she had cancer... some said she's at 3rd stage, while some said she's still at early stage... not only that, she also have ketumbuhan ovari... Sigh...

I still remember when my sister and I took her to the hospital... thinking that she just sick because of her period pain... but then, after waiting almost an hour, the doctor said that she had to stay at hospital and need to sent her to hospital Ipoh the next morning with an ambulance... I felt terrible at that time because I'm the one who follows her in the ambulance, I'm the one who accompany her, sleeps beside her when she had to spend the night at hospital, I'm the one who heard her mourn in pain... can you imagine that?can you bear that?to hear, see your mum like that?

I feel sad about what had happened deep inside me but all I can do is to pray that my mum will recover soon... I'm sad and depressed but I'm not -expressing-my-sadness-by-crying-all-the-time- kind of girl... but if I do cry, I'll cry alone... not in front of people, neither my friends nor my family... so, I stay happy go lucky like nothing happened and think positive... think that something better will happen next... something that can push away the dark cloud and brings sunshine back into my life... that's all I can do...

I still don't know for how long I'll be in Kedah... depends la on my mum's condition... if the doctors said that they have to operate my mum, then I'll be here for a while...
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Wednesday, May 06, 2009

- Are You A Good Friend? -


Teman,
Seronok ke bile ade teman?
Teman untuk berkongsi suka dan duka..
Tapi macam mana kalau teman itu,
Hanya ingin berkongsi suka?
Tetapi tidak mahu berkongsi duka,
Hanya ada di sisi bila ditimpa kesusahan,
Pabila senang, pergi membawa diri,

Bagaimana pula dengan teman
Yang tidak jujur berkawan dengan mu?
Hanya ingin mengambil kesempatan
Di atas kebaikan mu?
Berbaloi kah?

 

Pengalaman mengajar aku,
Membuatkan aku serik untuk berteman,
Aku punya ramai kawan,
Tetapi untuk berteman rapat dengan seseorang,
Amat payah sekali.
Bukan aku memilih,
Bukan niatku untuk menyisih,
Cuma tak mahu hati aku tercalar lagi,
Lantas aku memilih untuk menyendiri.

Luka di luar senang untuk sembuh,
Tetapi luka di dalam,
Entah bila akan sembuhnya,
Walaupun pada zahirnya,
Aku kelihatan ceria.

Namun tiada secumit pun dendam di hati ini,
Aku mengajar diri ini supaya tiada benci di hati,
Kemaafan sudah pun aku hulur dan berikan,
Maafkan kesalahan aku selama kita berteman.
Nyata aku rindukan kenangan dulu,
Tapi masa silam tidak boleh dikembalikan lagi,
Engkau juga sudah punyai teman baikmu sendiri,

Cuma aku mohon,
Teman selepas ini,
Ikhlas berteman dengan ku,
Supaya hatiku yang tercalar suatu ketika dulu,
Dapat disembuhkan kembali.
Amin.
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Tuesday, May 05, 2009

- Anak Wayang -



Have you ever work anywhere? Doing part time job during semester break or after your SPM? or are you a lazy person and just wanna have fun and enjoy all day long during your holiday? or maybe, you want to work but your mum tak bagi? which one are you?

For me, I prefer working, earn extra money to buy anything that I want than sit at home doing nothing... tak boring ke??huhuhu By working, not just you can earn some pocket money, you also will gain some working experiences like how to deal with people, how to handle customer yang cerewet giler, improve your communication skills and maximizing your confidence level and yeah of course make new friends too.

So, here is the story about last semester where I worked at GSC the gardens... its different from other GSC... the clothes are gold in color... and I still remember that GSC workers from Mid Valley jeles giler ngan kitorang... hahaha maybe because our salary a bit high than theirs and our GSC lebey class dari diorang... wakakaka but it is true... GSC gardens only have premier n gold class... only couple seat... no single seat...huhu its more privacy la... many artist came here.. but who cares??huhu

The best part is I get to watch movies for free and my boyfy also works there... weeee.... luv working with him... but normal la kan... ade some misunderstanding sket bile dekat2 nie... huhu with the jealousy and all... I do trust my boyfy but I dont trust gurls laen... suke menggatal... even when they already know that he is my boyfy... once I heard this chick calling out my boyfys name in very gedik way.. like manja la konon tu.. pleaseeeeee.... and one more thing, there is one time this gurl peluk my boyfy... WTF???!! really hurt my feelings that time...

But enough of that, no point in remembering bad memories... just think about your sweet memories with your love ones... then, your love will get stronger and last forever... isn't that right?hehehe Last but not least, Thank You sir, Enjoy Your Movie!! ^-^
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Saturday, May 02, 2009

- Semester Break -

YAY!!! my exams are going to finish soon... weeeeeeeeee.... I already have some plans about what I'm gonna do..care to know?huhu Here are some of the things that I want to do :

:: Meet my parents..rindu sgt2..

:: Hanging out with my boyfy of course..hehe

:: bodek my two sisters to buy me something..(pokaikan diorang,ahahaha)

:: Eat, sleep, watch tv, lepak, and maybe improve my cooking skills..huhu

:: Working!!!nak kumpul duit...money..money..money...hahaha


Just now, my mother called me and told me that she found me a job. The salary is rm30/day..ok la kan?? hmm...its a food stall at RnR Tapah..I think so...All I have to do is potong buah..something like that la for 8 hours/day...After do some calculations, I should have about rm1200 after 2 months working for 5 days a week..hmm...ok kot...If possible, I do want to earn more money than that but when I think about it again, if I'm working at KL, stayed at my sis house, I have to pay rent, bills and all that..So, if I do get more money working at KL, its just the same right?Sigh...
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Friday, May 01, 2009

- Live Your Life -

suke? like la..

- Pangkor Oh Pangkor -

Here are some of the pictures when I had a wonderful day at Pulau Pangkor with my friends. I really enjoyed there, we had BBQ, have fun at the beach, snorkeling which is my first time, huhu what a sweet memory I had..even thought i got burned by sun..LOL

If possible, I wanted to stay maybe for another week, I really don't want to go back to UKM. because final exams are waiting for me..so, I have to start struggling in order to get great results..aisshhh..

Well, that is life all about. sometimes we can chill out, enjoying our self and sometimes we must focus in our life, face all the challenges in life so that we can be a better person..peace!!

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